I have kept journals off and on most of my life. Journaling helped me sort through many emotionally confusing and fearful/tearful situations. I kept a dream journal for a period of time in my thirties. (When I was a young child, I feared going to bed because of nightmares. As an adult, I really enjoy dreaming. I have dream memories from decades ago that are as clear and distinct as my waking memories.) I tried a blog on Posterous a few years back. I found that I was not able to maintain MY OWN interest, let alone someone else’s. Then I decided to blog about studying and celebrating Terry Riley’s iconic masterpiece “In C” for the entire year of 2014 (its 50th Anniversary). Having a clear writing focus made all the difference to me, and now I want to continue to write about sound, music, healing and spirituality, which all made an appearance in that blog.
Writing a journal or blog feels like “talking out the Universe.” Whenever I write “morning pages” a la The Artist’s Way or write a blog post, I always feel I am writing TO another being. Sometimes, it is obviously another version of myself. Sometimes, it is a specific other person. Most often, it feels like a good and close friend who is reading along over my shoulder as I write. I have a sense of guiding that person’s attention to things I am seeing and discovering, and visa versa. That is probably why we create imaginary friends – they are always interested in what we are doing or saying.
And, I confess, part of the story I have used as a template for my lived experience is “No one cares about what I am doing.” I have felt this as a truth most of my adult life. For a long time, I understood this to mean that I was not very interesting, other people’s lives were more important than mine, I was here to support the “real” and “important” people of the world. Then I turned 50, discovered that I create this very reality in which I feel so small, and so I began to know myself, see myself, and give myself the support and love I had reserved for (and looked for in) others. As I move along this path, I discover there is enough love for us all! This blog allows me to share, with myself and anyone who is interested, a story of my life as it unfolds. A story about a listener, a creator of sound, noise, music, and a lover of being alive and moving through this incredible evolutionary growth spurt called the present moment.
Here is where I reach out to those I love from my deepest self and share my take on all that is sounding and waking up around us. This is my very basic and simple exploration of sounding the world/sounding my being/sounding health and healing through creative action. I aspire to stay freshly curious and naive in this exploration. I am no expert in anything, I have nothing to teach, but I love to play! If anything I say or do sparks some naive curiosity in you, I hope you will share it with me and the world. I want to keep a record of this journey because I have many questions as to where I am going. The blog will help me document the rabbit hole down which we go as we lighten up and sink into the world of sound vibration. I say “we” because I would love some interested cohorts and commentators and collaborators on this ride. At the same time, I am actively enjoying the journey on my own. So however it plays out, it will play out!
And that feels like freedom to me.