Messages from the WoW

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The latest signs from the Wave of Wonder (the WoW) are pointing me toward hangups. Attending to my hangup of the moment is easily avoided – except for those little reminders: the tug as my shirt gets caught on a knob, my jacket snagged in the closed car door, jerked back by the garden hose wrapped round a tree root.  Everytime I get one of these reminders from the WoW, I stop and ask myself : “What am I resisting?”

Often I am resisting THE MOMENT. I engage in distracted thinking about someone I love who is ignoring me or some activity I would rather be doing than the one at hand. I engage in stories of disapproval from others, resentment over perceived slights,  and general feelings of not mattering and not being important.

When I entertain these thoughts – and their good buddy, painful feelings – I am lured out of this moment of being by my mind and my story. The actual physical manifestation of the hangup jerks me back into the moment. 

I appreciate the very pointed choreography, and will continue to ride my awareness toward presence in the Now.

Thanks, WoW!

The Law of the Octave

To form an octave is to double or halve a given frequency.                                                                                                                             The Cosmic Octave    Cousto    

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When asked what one piece of information represented the most important knowledge humans possess, Richard Feynman, the remarkable mathemetician/physicist, replied:

Everything is made of atoms.

Indeed! What an amazing discovery! While the atomic structure and molecular composition vary from one object to the next, from one human to the next, from one star to the next, still – Everything is made of atoms!

But wait! There is more! Atoms are comprised of electrons that orbit a nucleus. And atoms are primarily “empty” space. Yet this moving, spacious world of Everything appears to human beings as material form. Even our earth suits have an animate integrity. What holds all of this together?  Within these “building blocks” lies a deeper cohesion, a durational measurement, a simple, but pervasive infrastructure for all of Creation – the oscillation.

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An initiating gesture, rising to a peak, falling past the midline to trough, and rising back to the midline beginning – motion across/around a central axis – a cycle, one complete oscillation.  (The actual measurement is from peak to peak = one cycle) Put a bunch of oscillations together in a periodic sequence, and you have frequency. Frequencies, along with resonance, consonance, dissonance, hold the world together AND move us through our experiences. While our reality appears solid and stable, it is actually in constant flux driven by frequency oscillations. Oscillations are the pervasive movement pattern that weaves together what we call “reality”. From the quantum, to the electromagnetic, to the world of form, all of existence is waving at and through us. If this is true, then frequency is a portal into and through all of existence. And this portal is accessible and useful due to the Law of the Octave.

A vibrational frequency is known through a measurement called hertz. Hertz expresses the number of oscillations per second. One oscillation per second is 1 Hz, twenty-five oscillations per second is 25 Hz, and so on. Vibrational frequencies reveal the world to us through our senses. Everything we hear, vibrates at 20 Hz to 20,000 Hz, which is the audible spectrum. Everything we see is vibrating between 400 Trillion Hz and 750 Trillion Hz, which is the visible spectrum of the electro-magnetic field.  The entire electro-magnetic field is a vibrational gift basket of frequency bandwidths that give us telegraph, radio, television, mobile phones, internet, and the electricity to power it all. And then when we go deep into the building blocks of matter, what do we get? – more oscillations.

According to the Law of the Octave – every frequency is entangled with its half and its double. Any known frequency can be calibrated as an audible frequency or visual frequency or x-ray frequency, simply by  dividing higher frequencies by 2 and multiplying lower frequencies by 2. In the book The Cosmic Octave, Hans Cousto argues that the octave is a unit of measurement that can be useful in understanding and working with our very existence.  Using a simple mathematical formula, Cousto converts all manner of measureable phenomenon to audible tones. (More on that in a future post.)

The audible frequency range demonstrates clearly how The Law of Octave works. A frequency of 440 Hz is the infamous Concert A- multiply 440 x 2 and 880 is also an A tone. The frequency is higher, denser, more oscillations per second, but it is the same expression as the 440 – it also is an A. Divide 440 by 2 and you have 220 Hz – also an expression of an A note. This suggests a repetitive pattern that is renewed each time it doubles or halves. This is a moment of return, an opportunity to begin again. I am wondering about The Law of the Octave as a jumping off point in the design of all kinds of fractals (mostly sound fractals).

And this is just the beginning, as there are other factors informing my fractal understanding, including Nature’s Chord, the Golden Mean, and Fibonacci numbers.

For now, The Law of the Octave and its relationship to the movements of the Universe are enough to ponder.

Carried Wisdom

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I have a friend whom I have not seen in many decades. We now communicate on Facebook. We shared a connection in high school, then I moved away sophomore year. I am not good at maintaining long distance relationships – being a right here, right now kinda girl! The present moment is very full, but I want to expand my awareness to include those I love who are not in my immediate proximity.

My friend had a difficult and painful 2016. She surrendered much, participated in great healing and is moving through the experience with much love and gratitude. She is in my thoughts alot these days. We have shared jokes and love memes on Facebook. She has listened to some of my soundscapes and is open to the vibrations. I wanted to create a soundscape for her journey.

I have not heard from her in a while and I am sending waves of loving vibrations her way via the soundscape entitled Carried Wisdom.

Some Thoughts on Grief (on Paul’s 52nd Birthday)

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Today February 25th, is my brother Paul’s 52nd birthday. While he did not live to see and celebrate it, he has people who are still here remembering him. His laughter, his sense of irony, his insecurity, his wit, his breadth of knowledge, his creativity, his emotional turmoil, his love, his righteousness and doubt all are imprinted on this moment. Contemporary quantum physics points consistently toward the truth that each individual conciousness has an impact on the world. If energetic matter can neither be created or destroyed, then this impact goes on forever. Even as I know this, I also know that when a beloved being leaves their physical form, a great deep grief rises up and takes hold in the world.

One of my life’s intentions is to be light, loving joy in the world. Much of the time this is easy for me as I am buoyed by the spirit that brought me here and always guides me. My life is simple with manageable stress and I have gifts to share and a cadre of friends to share them with. Then when an event outside my well-cultivated illusion of control happens, I resist , I wail and holler, saying to myself, “I don’t want to feel this way, I don’t want to feel this way, I don’t want to feel this way.” This is where I was for periods during the last year and a half as I allowed the reality of Paul’s death to bring waves of sadness, anger and anxiety to the forefront of my lived experience.

I know that resistance is a root cause of disease, so a less familiar path needed to be taken. Not numbing myself till it goes away, not holding it in, not crying in the bathroom and then putting on a good face in front of others- instead I did things that felt more vulnerable to me. I asked for help, shared my feelings in the moment and kept an eye out for any sense of victimhood and blaming of myself or others. I used all the tools in my pack – EFT, meditation, deep breathing, supportive nutrition and hydration, exercise – to stay grounded and present.

I am sad that Paul did not let me know what was truly going on in his life. Angry that he left out a huge piece of the puzzle of what happened between himself and his wife, his children and his wife’s family, and our family. Why did he have to work so hard to save face, put on a front, be so unaware of what he was doing and how it was impacting his life? I study pictures from his childhood looking for signs of angst, unhappiness, fear. He just looks happy, loving and excited by life.

He was the youngest child. As the oldest, it is hard to imagine what it is like to have, not only parents, but multiple older siblings telling you what is right and what is wrong from all our unique perspectives. All I can do is accept what has happened and honor him, his life, and his choices. From a place of unconditional love, there is no shame about the path he chose. He is a role model of surrender. He let himself go, he got himself out of a difficult situation the best way he knew how. There was a fearlessness in his giving over to his path. When I think of him with love and respect, I can only say, “well done, my brother!” I see you in your next life succeeding with love and assurance. I see you bobbing over the crest of a wave, laughing with joy.  The lessons you taught while you were here have not yet been fully realized. I feel heartened to know that the real gift of your life is yet to be received.

So while I have entertained grief in my home for a time I am clear that this is just a visit. And, as in past visits, it will come to a natural end. My home is filled with joy, love, and creative energy. While anxiety, fear, sadness and grief do build up in the nooks and crannies at times, a good cry, a loving talk, a breathing meditation, a smoke or tea of kind herbs, EFT, a belly laugh can cleanse those energies from my home. I feel a tremendous responsibility to give loving attention to this work – the work of cultivating creative joy in the world.

I do keep a picture of grief around, just as a friendly reminder of a pain that comes and goes and comes again, but for now- its time in my presence is up!

Joy to the World

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The year 2015 coming to an end has me thinking about time. Not time as a mechanistic ticking off of seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years, but time in a larger sense as moments and experiences that we organize into the “story of my life.” Every thought, feeling, action and reaction we bring into the corporeal world imprints on the matrix of being. And we weave all of this together into a fabrication of who we are, both individually and collectively. How is your story going? What is it about?

I wish all my friends wrote blogs so I could read their stories. Some friends do send year-in-review letters this time of year. I enjoy reading those immensely. I have the good fortune to be surrounded by interesting people who are passionate about love, food, creativity, and holding a high vibration. We are the light tenders, the love snipers; we do what we can where we are to energize the highest vibe possible. We love and respect the individual paths we are each on, and we shine light for each other along the way.

At the Interfaith Celebration this week, Rachel Wooten reminded us that to love is to be present with, to focus our loving awareness on another. In order to do this, we must first be present and aware of self. Loving one’s self is the foundation for loving everything outside of self. Acts of self-care and self-love are some of the most powerful healing actions you can take in the world. Our spiritual traditions, educational system, social/familial beliefs discourage loving of self in favor of service to others. Loving actions and service to self/to others are both sacraments of the compassionate heart. It is the good in people that calls us to give and to help others. But, you cannot pour from an empty cup, so our first responsibility is to take very good care of self.

There is a general feeling that the world is a scary and dangerous place right now. Even a cursory read of world history confirms that this has always been the case! Gertrude Stein said, “Everything is so dangerous that nothing is really very frightening.” – a wonderful example of a koan whose meaning shimmers just out of reach. FDR said “Only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Ghandi said, “The enemy is fear. We think it is hate, but it is fear.” “Fear not” and “Do not be afraid” reoccur throughout The Bible. All of these teachings point to a path away from fear. The scary and dangerous world (which we cocreate together) is shifting.

At dinner the other night, our soon-to-be teen granddaughter Erin, said, “well, I am afraid ISIS is going to come and kill us all.” Ah, yes, I remember the bomb shelters and the threat of nuclear devastation I came of age within. My mother came of age during the depression and World War II. Are we recognizing a pattern here? I love the state of the world at this moment because all of these patterns are coming to light. Patterns of belief that no longer serve and are no longer supported by the new energies flooding into our realm. The new energy fields of the planet do not support the political yammering and the media frenzy creating the “world about to end” story. All the patterns of control, cruelty and subterfuge are coming out into the light.As we learn to turn our attention within, and then without, we are creating a vibration of integrity, generosity, love, and acceptance of the incredible diversity this world engenders. We have the opportunity to use our most valuable currency – our moment to moment attention – to help the world evolve into a place of greater compassion and less violence.

How do we accomplish this shift? First, stop watching the news. Take in just enough mediated info to have some perspective. If you are watching hours of news, your currency is being used against you. After turning off all the media, sit in silence and stillness. Give full attention to your breath. Take three deep breaths into the heart. Ask for guidance from within. Just ask! And then pay attention throughout the day for signs from your guides. They love you dearly and will help you to live from your heart.

The next thing is the hardest to explain and of signifigant import – we must give up our “victim thinking”. Where else is there to go for one who has been victimized? Throughout time, people have been and are being vicitimized in some way by others. As a victim,  I feel the need for justice, reparations, and retribution. I feel the need to stay vigilant against further victimization. This gives my victimhood identity and value.  So some of my attention is taken by my need to keep my identity as victim alive in the world. Maintaining victimhood undermines personal power and free will choice. Once one is free from the victimizing situation, drop the need for vengeance, for rehash, for continuing to victimize yourself. Let it be finished.

Actually, “victim thinking” is part of a trio of roles we actively engage in that must ALL be given up. The idea here is from the teachings of Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis, which came into my life in my twenties. (Thank you, Dan Vice!) The Karpmann Drama Triangle has helped me be kinder and more present in all my relations. In our interactions we often play the role of either the victim, the rescuer or the persecutor, or a combination of these roles.  Recognizing when I am playing in the triangle, deconstructing where my attention is focused, and shifting my attention away from the drama in my mind and into the present moment, into this particular situation, with these people. When I look at my life so far, I see that I chose to play the victim or the rescuer most of the time. I so indentified with victim or rescuer that I could not even recognize when I was the persecutor.

I am starting a practice of questioning my own righteous indignation in all its guises. It is an anger discharge mechanism that brings about injury to myself and others. Anything that gets me riled up, or annoys me, I look for ways that I AM the thing that annoys me. I caught myself bullying Trudie the other day about something trivial (she forgave me!) This interaction haunted me for several days as I replayed my superior tone, accusatory language, and tightly-held body. I felt fiercly justified in my reaction. In this case, I was victimizing Trudie with my righteous indignation about something she may or may not have done. Giving  up these roles, means waking up to all the ways we create our own misery, lack, need, contempt, anger, rage, depression, fear by interpreting our experiences through filters of drama and pain.

Pay close attention to how your thoughts and beliefs shape your reality. Stay in the flow as much as possible. Say yes more than no. Always say no when you want to. Challenge your thoughts whenever they create pain in your gut, in your heart or in your head, in your life! We are taking an evolutionary step that involves a shift from “survival of the fittest” to “survival of the kindest.” Our brains are evolving so rapidly that medical and behaviorial sciences are struggling to keep up. Breathe deep, allow your conciousness to expand a little bit more with each breath, learn to listen to the guiding voice in your head that comes from your heart. Whatever may be happening feel the joy and love that carry us through each moment.

And, if you can’t feel it just now, trust it is there. That is faith, and it is a relief!

For Heather “So Far”

About a month ago, a friend asked me if I would do a “commissioned” piece for her fortieth birthday. I was thrilled and honored by her request, so we made a plan to talk on the phone so I could get a sense of what this birthday means to her.

Heather Barnes and I have known each other for over a decade through singing with the Common Woman Chorus, and more recently as Facebook friends. Over the years, I have enjoyed singing with her in small groups and hearing the funny, charming stories of her daughter’s escapades as she becomes her own unique person. When Heather and I talked  about the end of her fourth decade of life, she spoke of the double-edged sword of being a mother. She relishes her relationship with her daughter AND she acknowledges the need to heal from postpartum depression. For this birthday, she wants to “lay down a marker” of the journey she has been on. She spoke of creating healthy and flexible boundaries, feeling more confident, and appreciating the person she sees in the mirror each day. The future holds the promise of strong connections with people she loves.

I felt a powerful sense of self-love and positive feelings about her own physical body as a part of what Heather is feeling in her life now.  So the the piece should invite movement. As I began to work, I needed a bit more direction, so I did a tarot card reading using my favorite Motherpeace Tarot deck. (Thirty years ago I often consulted tarot and I-Ching for perspective and guidance. I just recently returned to this practice.) Heather’s reading indicated a strong negative force that she is working through and leaving behind. The Death card and the Moon card pointed to this movement. The path through this force is the penetrating intensity of the Ace of Swords combined with the stillness and patience of the Son of Cups. A sense of mourning and letting go combined with deep surrender to the unknown – “let the Goddess work in your life” was the deep message.

Our conversation and the reading shaped the piece in terms of structure, voicings and themes. “So Far (for Heather)” begins with a bluesy swaying dirge and a trumpet wailing grief, anger and sadness.  There is a feeling of sloshing through a great heaviness for a while. This movement gives way to the metallic piercing of bells creating a clearing in the sonic space. There is rattling, ringing, a sifting through and letting go of the bones of the past. The final section is a percussive and joyful release with an invitation to celebrate and dance!!!

Happiest of birthdays to Heather Barnes and much appreciations for including a soundpainting to mark this time in your life.

People Who Need People

Barbra Streisand burst into my conciousness in the 1960s when she became a media darling for her role as Fanny Brice in Funny Girl. I always assumed she WAS Fanny Brice reincarnated. Look at old footage of Fanny Brice and you will see a strong resemblance. And Fanny did a mighty fine job of reincarnating and doing all the things she COULD NOT do when she was alive due to her gender and limited technology. Fanny/Barbra used her resources for all the power they are worth.

As a singer, Barbra Streisand engages with songs in such an intimate way. She plays with them, enhancing each one with nuanced emotion. She makes them sparkle; and the songs make her shine. Her first signature song was “People” from Funny Girl. And she could sell that song – I believed her completely.

People… people who need people… are the luckiest people in the world!

In recent years I laughingly revise the song to be “People….people who need people….are in dee-ee-p doo-doooooo.” Many folks would be quick to correct me with beautiful examples of compassion in action, as people respond to natural and person made disasters in loving and giving ways. Yes, I see and love that about people. When we are called upon to assist others in need, we usually respond. What I want to look at is the idea embedded in the song that “people needing people” is a fortunate characteristic of being. A “lucky” aspect to have in your relations with others, as the song says.

A quick look at the song lyrics, reveals the Romantic ideal that I need another person to complete me.

…a feeling deep in your soul, says you were half now your whole, no more hunger and thirst, but first, be a person who needs people.

On the surface this seems to be an ideal to aspire to and I think many of us spend some portion of our life searching for this ideal. The problem is that it is based on a false premise – that we are incomplete as individuals. We are born complete and whole. We are not broken or full of sin. We are in direct relation with the energetic force of love that creates the Universe. All this longing we feel, this emptiness we mistake for lack, all this need is the overpowering desire to be reunited with the source of our being. We feel like dried up little creek beds parched for water. We feel lack. A lot of lack. And we look to each other to help, save, complete us. Take a moment to think about all the songs, books, movies, performances you have witnessed that reinforce this very idea. And I love these stories! They make me laugh, cry, feel alive, AND they create some debilitating beliefs that can wreck relationships. Needing to be completed by your partner is one of those injurious beliefs.

What if, we were people who WANT people, who enjoy and respect people, who cherish people. This engenders an entirely different way of relating to others. I can be complete with or without other people. No need arises, just desire. Desire is easier, more relaxed than need. Desire springs from an attraction energy that entangles us with each other. Desire allows the dance, while need taps her foot and looks at his watch. Feel the difference between these two states of being. It is immense. Then choose the one that brings you relief and ease. While I know there are times when I will need people and there will be times that other people will need me, being a person who needs people may be a questionable practice on which to build lasting, loving relationships.

Case in point: Fanny Brice pitches this idea to Nicki Arnstein through the song “People” in the show Funny Girl. I love this scene in the movie because Omar Shariff has this bemused smile the entire time he follows Barbra around while she sings. It is like he is thinking, “You really believe this, don’t you? Hmmmmm, maybe I can believe it too!” The film then proceeds to illustrate the disappointment inherent in trying to live a relationship based in neediness, roles and duty. But it is so sweet the way they try. It is poignant. Because, in fact, they are both whole people and neither of them needs the other to be complete. They might have had a very different relationship if they had started from that premise.