My Left Toe


About ten days ago I wrenched my left pinky toe. The toe was intact and not misshapen or out of alignment, but I knew this was more than a stub. After holding the foot for a few moments, I put on tennis shoes and went on with the day. Wearing shoes felt better than walking barefoot, and once I was back home, elevation and a little ice helped the swelling do its work with less pain. Trudie obtained some Arnica cream which I used liberally the first 48 hours. I limited weight-bearing and encouraged movement in the area. The upper foot and toes went through blue-purple bruising that is not quite gone. And the pinky joint is tender to walk on. I am thrilled that it is 95% healed, and am allowing a good long time for that last 5% to come through. This is when the area needs the most awareness and healing attention.

Being very interested in signs and signals from the WoW (Wave of Wonder) I decided to research this part of my body. First, from Functional Integration lessons with Nancy Agnew, I knew that my internal body map has a shadow around this area. I would marvel at how clearly I could feel my feet except for the vague hollow spot at my left pinky toe. So lesser conscious awareness in that area left it vulnerable to wrenching.

Reflexology charts associate shoulder and ear with the little toe. And the bladder meridian runs there as well. Interestingly, most reflexology charts show little action around the left pinky toe- it’s the right one where all the meridians and points converge. Maybe there isn’t much going on out there…

I don’t think that is the message. A WordPress blog suggested that the left little toe had to do with trust – trusting yourself, trusting the whole WoW, trusting other people. OK, now we are on to something! Actually a violent wrenching really messes with one’s trust! And this was relatively minor. And there is something about not paying attention to the most salient cues in situations. Not watching out and WHAM! Hmmmm, this is feeling familiar.

Trude and I are listening to Eckhart Tolle and practicing presence. This toe message is the present you sometimes get when you are not in the present! Ha!

The Tower of Babble

My decade of birth (1950s) places me squarely in the first generation to have a steady, daily diet of other people’s stories. Take a moment to think about this idea. Human beings have always had a fascination with other people’s stories as witnessed by the tribal oral tradition and the presence of ritual and theatre in most every culture. Telling stories has been the way we preserve our knowledge, pass down traditions, reach out to and teach each other. And with today’s technology, the stories are told with light, sound, imagery, music, and words, all of which are created and ride on the fastest vibrations/oscillational cycles that we know. In the meantime, we sit – still, focused and absorbing and reflecting all of this vibration. Perhaps that is the deeper meaning embedded in Marshall McLuhan’s oft-quoted idea – “The medium is the message.” On a quantum level, vibration is the medium of everything. Everything we experience is, in essence, coming to us in packets of oscillating waves. These thoughts have me wondering about the impact of giving so much time and attention to the daily deluge of mediated stories. Just as we are waking up to the toxins in what we eat, are we waking up to the toxic vibrations in the stories we focus our attention upon? What types of stories do you focus your attention upon?

I was raised with television. My grandfather was an avid photographer and I have boxes of slides he took of his two oldest grandchildren, me and my brother, Brad. An innordinate number of slides are labeled “Judy and Brad watching TV”. Television was the distraction I could count on when my world went topsy-turvy, as worlds sometimes do. Our family was a pop culture family and our television was on all day, everyday. So I learned a lot about the world, people and relationships from television…

and movies!! As an adolescent, I loved movies! What a special treat it was to make a plan to go see a “moving picture story” with a friend. Or better still, gather the family together in the car and go to the drive-in! What was it about the drive-in? Drive-ins may have been my first taste of the surreal. Outside at night in a field of cars, in my pajamas, swinging on a playground set under a gigantic glowing screen teaming with big-heads having what seemed to be lives, their voices clamoring around me through hundreds of tinny speakers. They laughed, they fought, they acted in interesting and dramatic ways. Underneath it all, a little girl sits on a swing and wonders about having a life of her own.

Fast forward over fifty years later and I often think if my child self could have envisioned heaven, it would be NOW! The access to moving picture stories is astounding. The forms are myriad and we seem to be amazed and mesmorised by the sheer quantity of them. Think about all of the stories you encounter during one day of your life. The morning news shows, talk shows, tweets, Facebook posts, songs, reality shows, crime shows, lunchtime conversations, movies, documentaries, theatre, performance art, etc. While I have immensely enjoyed and employed the creative juice and opportunities this “world of the constant story” has to offer, it is becoming clear that too much Heaven can become a kind of Hell.

I often think that we live in the time of the Tower of Babel/Babble. For me, the Tower is a metaphor for all of our unique takes on “Truth” that are vorasciously asserted primarily through the many forms of media. Everybody gets to chime in for up to 140 characters or show up in an Instagram picture (worth a thousand words – seems like a better deal). Inside the Tower it is extremely loud and clamorous. When I spent a lot of time there, I felt confused, bemused, frequently powerless and angry, anxious, but always trying to put on a good face. There is a lot of drama in the Tower – that is the energy underneath the “babeling”. It is a crowded, edgy place always on the verge of or in the midst of outrage. Spending too much time there eventually will make a human being sick both emotionally and physically. Before that happens, though, it can be fun, funny, enlightening, compelling, educational and bigger than all of us. (Or so it seems.) Give it one piece of your attention and it takes you all in. And it is so much damn fun- we bond and build community around the next big thing, our honored legends, latest shows, favorite sports teams and political causes. There is actually quite a bit of love and connection there, too. I don’t want to throw it all away. What to do, what to do?

That is a good place to start – with some questions. Only recently have I appreciated the power of questions. As one who thoroughly enjoys “making meaning” out of my lived experiences, I have always been a fan of speculative conclusions. Discern and figure out what it is. This collapses the waveform and reduces potentialities. Now I am working with asking questions and waiting for the answers. This process takes patience and faith, both of which I have often lacked. What stories am I focusing my attention on? How do I feel when I focus on these stories? Do I ponder any aspect of the story after it has concluded? Does any aspect of the story stay with me as I move through my lived experience? How does remembering the story feel?

Pay close attention to reveries. While this is a bit like chasing one’s tail, because reveries overtake us in the moment, once I “wake up” from a reverie, I am left with a feeling. That is the moment to stop and focus on the breath and check in with my body. If the feeling is good, breath in and release with appreciation. If shoulders are tense, back or head aches, breathe in three full breaths. Use Emotional Freedom Technique and give voice to the feeling to encourage it to pass through and release. Sleep. Cry. We move so fast inside the Tower, we forget how to slow down and be with ourselves in healing.

Pay close attention ro the stories that you tell other people. This is the mirror of the premise that we love other people’s stories, and equally as vibrant. What is the first thing I would tell a stranger about myself? Why that? Why tell a stranger anything? Create space around the stories for questions like these: what picture am I painting of my world with this story? Who do I think I am?

And no matter who you may be, give the news media as little of your attention as you possibly can. The news and the people who shape the news stories are all in a big circus together. It is obvious when the most insightful news shows of our day are on Comedy Central, that the news has become a parody of itself. And in that parody, they jump up and down and fan the flames of ANY and ALL controversy. They discourage dialogue and make news when nothing is actually there. And many of us can not look away even when the stories are ridiculous or innane. This is the place to start- these are the easiest stories to shake loose. When I focus attention on a story in a mindless, surfing the web kind of way, before I click on it I ask, “Is this really important to me?” That usually stops me. Another good question: “Is this any of my business?” That one is full of baggage for most of us because there is much confusion about what is my business and what is NOT my business. It takes continuing reflection to discern this and most of us take as our business a whole lot more than we actually own. I have always thought the Serenity Prayer was about that very thing. I can easily change what is my business; it is a struggle, an uphill battle to change all that is NOT my business.

I am making a choice to disengage from the Tower as much as possible to maintain my health and well-being. I know not everyone is in a position to do that. Creating a good chunk of time with yourself in connection with something you love can provide reminders of a world where your body is healthy, your heart is full of love and your mind is still and open. That place is ALWAYS available to us, but can be obscured by the maelstorm around us when inside the Tower.

Awaken and heal-thy self! (as my friend Omar would say)