The year 2015 coming to an end has me thinking about time. Not time as a mechanistic ticking off of seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years, but time in a larger sense as moments and experiences that we organize into the “story of my life.” Every thought, feeling, action and reaction we bring into the corporeal world imprints on the matrix of being. And we weave all of this together into a fabrication of who we are, both individually and collectively. How is your story going? What is it about?

I wish all my friends wrote blogs so I could read their stories. Some friends do send year-in-review letters this time of year. I enjoy reading those immensely. I have the good fortune to be surrounded by interesting people who are passionate about love, food, creativity, and holding a high vibration. We are the light tenders, the love snipers; we do what we can where we are to energize the highest vibe possible. We love and respect the individual paths we are each on, and we shine light for each other along the way.

At the Interfaith Celebration this week, Rachel Wooten reminded us that to love is to be present with, to focus our loving awareness on another. In order to do this, we must first be present and aware of self. Loving one’s self is the foundation for loving everything outside of self. Acts of self-care and self-love are some of the most powerful healing actions you can take in the world. Our spiritual traditions, educational system, social/familial beliefs discourage loving of self in favor of service to others. Loving actions and service to self/to others are both sacraments of the compassionate heart. It is the good in people that calls us to give and to help others. But, you cannot pour from an empty cup, so our first responsibility is to take very good care of self.

There is a general feeling that the world is a scary and dangerous place right now. Even a cursory read of world history confirms that this has always been the case! Gertrude Stein said, “Everything is so dangerous that nothing is really very frightening.” – a wonderful example of a koan whose meaning shimmers just out of reach. FDR said “Only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Ghandi said, “The enemy is fear. We think it is hate, but it is fear.” “Fear not” and “Do not be afraid” reoccur throughout The Bible. All of these teachings point to a path away from fear. The scary and dangerous world (which we cocreate together) is shifting.

At dinner the other night, our soon-to-be teen granddaughter Erin, said, “well, I am afraid ISIS is going to come and kill us all.” Ah, yes, I remember the bomb shelters and the threat of nuclear devastation I came of age within. My mother came of age during the depression and World War II. Are we recognizing a pattern here? I love the state of the world at this moment because all of these patterns are coming to light. Patterns of belief that no longer serve and are no longer supported by the new energies flooding into our realm. The new energy fields of the planet do not support the political yammering and the media frenzy creating the “world about to end” story. All the patterns of control, cruelty and subterfuge are coming out into the light.As we learn to turn our attention within, and then without, we are creating a vibration of integrity, generosity, love, and acceptance of the incredible diversity this world engenders. We have the opportunity to use our most valuable currency – our moment to moment attention – to help the world evolve into a place of greater compassion and less violence.

How do we accomplish this shift? First, stop watching the news. Take in just enough mediated info to have some perspective. If you are watching hours of news, your currency is being used against you. After turning off all the media, sit in silence and stillness. Give full attention to your breath. Take three deep breaths into the heart. Ask for guidance from within. Just ask! And then pay attention throughout the day for signs from your guides. They love you dearly and will help you to live from your heart.

The next thing is the hardest to explain and of signifigant import – we must give up our “victim thinking”. Where else is there to go for one who has been victimized? Throughout time, people have been and are being vicitimized in some way by others. As a victim,  I feel the need for justice, reparations, and retribution. I feel the need to stay vigilant against further victimization. This gives my victimhood identity and value.  So some of my attention is taken by my need to keep my identity as victim alive in the world. Maintaining victimhood undermines personal power and free will choice. Once one is free from the victimizing situation, drop the need for vengeance, for rehash, for continuing to victimize yourself. Let it be finished.

Actually, “victim thinking” is part of a trio of roles we actively engage in that must ALL be given up. The idea here is from the teachings of Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis, which came into my life in my twenties. (Thank you, Dan Vice!) The Karpmann Drama Triangle has helped me be kinder and more present in all my relations. In our interactions we often play the role of either the victim, the rescuer or the persecutor, or a combination of these roles.  Recognizing when I am playing in the triangle, deconstructing where my attention is focused, and shifting my attention away from the drama in my mind and into the present moment, into this particular situation, with these people. When I look at my life so far, I see that I chose to play the victim or the rescuer most of the time. I so indentified with victim or rescuer that I could not even recognize when I was the persecutor.

I am starting a practice of questioning my own righteous indignation in all its guises. It is an anger discharge mechanism that brings about injury to myself and others. Anything that gets me riled up, or annoys me, I look for ways that I AM the thing that annoys me. I caught myself bullying Trudie the other day about something trivial (she forgave me!) This interaction haunted me for several days as I replayed my superior tone, accusatory language, and tightly-held body. I felt fiercly justified in my reaction. In this case, I was victimizing Trudie with my righteous indignation about something she may or may not have done. Giving  up these roles, means waking up to all the ways we create our own misery, lack, need, contempt, anger, rage, depression, fear by interpreting our experiences through filters of drama and pain.

Pay close attention to how your thoughts and beliefs shape your reality. Stay in the flow as much as possible. Say yes more than no. Always say no when you want to. Challenge your thoughts whenever they create pain in your gut, in your heart or in your head, in your life! We are taking an evolutionary step that involves a shift from “survival of the fittest” to “survival of the kindest.” Our brains are evolving so rapidly that medical and behaviorial sciences are struggling to keep up. Breathe deep, allow your conciousness to expand a little bit more with each breath, learn to listen to the guiding voice in your head that comes from your heart. Whatever may be happening feel the joy and love that carry us through each moment.

And, if you can’t feel it just now, trust it is there. That is faith, and it is a relief!